TRUMP THE TEACHER
Permit a nanosecond of nonsense.
ASSERTION/THESIS: Donald J. Trump is a great teacher.
ARGUMENT/SUPPORT: As a president elected by the tyranny of the minority, Trump exercises his absolute right as the leader of an imaginary free world to articulate great slogans that leak from the bitch's brew of wisdom. In Classroom America, he tweets. He is aware that American citizens, regardless of their political beliefs, levels of intelligence, and ethnic postures, do pay attention to his words. From the maculate vantage of his mind, he believes he is doing what the dollar bill motto "In God We Trust" compels him to do: teach the washed and unwashed masses. To promote critical thinking, Trump illuminates each day how our nation has costumed its primitive barbarism as liberal democracy.
Only by reading and absorbing great amounts of insanity, Trump thunders, can our nation mend the errors of its ways and once again become a great conservative democracy and resume its divinely ordained mandate to guide the history of the brave great world into a future. These are hard times. Abandon the dreadful audacity of hope. Accept the hard facts, even if an hour or so later they prove to be factoids. Do not squander the opportunity to be great again in dreams of the American Dream. Become the women and men who have gumption, gall, and guts to spit into the eyes of nightmares. Be post-Enlightenment, post-tritely great.
Trump is the epitome of the great teacher. He distills the essence of the messianic in a great alembic of tough love. His great students love him unconditionally. They take great notes and promptly forget the history of what they think they have heard. Trump exercises his absolute right as a member of the secular clergy to award each of his students a great grade at the end of class.
Trump is a great teacher because he is a great disciple of Machiavelli, one who demands that his students navigate the unreadable prose of Jacque Derrida's Specters of Marx (New York: Routledge, 1994) and other texts of dubious merit. He promotes the deconstruction of deconstruction; he terrorizes his students to consult dictionaries and to analyze the histories of times past. He inspires fear and great trembling and the great possibility that soon and very soon great Americans will abandon the fleshpots of Eden and do great work in the fascist labs of Hell. Whether we like him or not, Trump is a great teacher who instructs us how to read the great progress of our lives with great and entertaining gusto.
Jerry W. Ward, Jr. May 23, 2017